I was excited today. My baby’s milk intake has increased to 40 ml per feed!!

Around 2 pm, we went to SMC so that I can breastfeed her. She was sleeping in a normal cot when we arrived at NICU on the second floor (Ward 2B).

The nurse has just feed her at 1 pm. Oh, she was full already?

However, I still got the chance to breastfeed her. Baby Izzah cried when I tried. Did my baby forgot how to suck?

I heard an explosive sound and instantly I knew she was passing motion… he..he.

She appeared uncomfortable and was crying until her babah changed her diaper.

Then, I tried again.

Alhamdulillah, she latched so well and starts sucking. And, swallowing my milk into her little tummy!

Baby Izzah seemed to be happy. She was smiling while sucking. I believe she miss me so much. Of course she do!

I was having multiple let-down reflex (pancutan susu) while my baby was sucking. So it’s true, nothing is as efficient as a baby’s suck. My breasts were getting heavier with milk!

Dr Ling came around 3 pm. He asked about the breastfeeding progress. And, I was happy to report that it was going well.

Baby Izzah is going to be discharged tomorrow afternoon! Yeay!

This morning, I only managed to express 85 ml of milk for my baby.

Argh! I’m getting tired of expressing. My spirit is getting down. I felt so helpless.

I miss my baby!!! I want my baby back!!!

I’m concern that exclusive use of breastpump with no direct breastfeeding will results in my milk “drying up”. You see, nothing is as efficient as a baby’s suck.

Last night, my hubby went to see our baby at SMC. They still hasn’t move her out of the incubator to the normal cot. And, they still put on the IV drip and the tube on her. What?!

Huh! This means that today I still cannot go there to breastfeed her.

I don’t understand why they are so slow in doing things. Why they want to keep her there as long as possible? Because they can charge us more?

This separation is killing me!

How am I suppose to bond with my baby like this??

Oh God, please help me.

• Please expedite the recovery of my baby.
• Please let the doctor speed up the treatments.
• Please give my baby back.

Received this SMS from a colleague.

SM: Hi wak. Sihat tak? Baby dah ok ke?

Me: Saya sihat. Baby dah ok tapi dr masih tak bagi balik. Dah lebih seminggu kat smc tu. Bosan betul. Mak saya pun dah balik kg.

SM: La baby lum balik ke? Mak awak pun dah balik. Sapa jaga awak?

Me: Yer. Lembap la dr tu. Kesian baby saya. Susu dah banyak tapi tak dpt bagi direct. Kena pam antar sana. Saya sorang2 jaga diri sendiri.

SM: SMC memang bodoh wak. Kalu bole try tukar ke sjmc or sunway better.

Uhh.. change hospital? I just want my baby back.

Nothing much to do today.

I switched on the television and picked on channel 8. Hot f.m was live on air.

It was fun to see Farah Fauzana & Faizal teasing Faizal Tahir (the singer). Super Faizal is making a come-back after 3 months on ban for stripping off his shirt on stage.

Ironed all my pregnancy blouses and pants. My tummy is still bulging so the blouses and pants are going to be used for next couple of weeks.

It has been two weeks since my operation, so the incision wound has dried and healed.

But, I’m waiting for another week before I start using the binder (bengkung).

The big giraffe clock showed 1.15 pm.

Eh! My hubby is back. He wants to get the frozen EBM and give to the nurses at SMC.

My baby milk intake has increased to 25 ml per feed!

And, they have put her into a normal cot. Alhamdulillah.

Okay honey baby, mama will continue expressing my milk for you after lunch. Wouldn’t it be better if I can breastfeed you direct sayang?

So, please get well asap!

I woke up at 5.30 am this morning. After refreshing myself, went straight to the kitchen and got my sterilized breast pump kit.

Made myself comfortable in the living room and start pumping my left breast. I used the manual pump for 1-3 minutes to encourage the “let-down” reflex @ milk to be ejected.

The Avent Isis IQ Uno manual pump is great but I’m still not use to it. It’s faster to use the electric pump.

Anyway, made a mental note to practise using the manual pump as I might be using it after I’m back at work. There is no special room for mothers to express breastmilk during office hours.

Expressing in the toilet is absolutely a no! So, I have only two choices - the prayer room or in my car. Both places don’t have a plug point. Hmmm…..

I’m quite happy with my pumping session this morning. Able to express 100 ml (3.5 oz) from both breasts in 45 minutes!

As usual, hubby delivered my freshly-pumped milk to my baby at the Selangor Medical Center.

Ooohh… I miss my baby so very MUCH!

It has been 7 days since she was admitted into the NICU.

The jaundice has gone but Dr Ling, her paed is still monitoring her milk intake through the tube. He has increased her feeding from 10 ml to 15 ml.

Alhamdulillah, she is tolerating the feeding so well. No more regurgitation or vomitting the milk through her mouth.

My hubby said they will move her out from the incubator to a normal cot soon.

I just want my baby to get better as soon as possible and COME BACK to me. 7 days is a very long time!

I’m alone in my little cottage. My mother has gone back to Terengganu because her eldest grand-daughter (my niece) is coming to her birthplace (my village). Kak Long has just finished her matriculation courses and want to spend some times with my cousin, Nurul who was born just a few days after her.

Feeling so empty inside. I tried to fill-up the time by rearranging the uploaded photos of my baby. And, make some scrapbooks using the ScrapBookFlair program.

The big giraffe clock showed 9.15am.

The empty feeling inside was getting stronger. Missing my baby so much and suddenly I can’t control my emotion.

I cried and cried and cried.

Tears flowing to my cheek down to my chest. I was sobbing like crazy for 2 minutes!

Then, it stopped. And, I felt so relieved inside. The empty feeling was gone.

I think I was having a brief post-natal depression (PND).

Thank God, it was just a mild one.

You see, it’s quite challenging to go through the confinement period alone. Making it worst, my baby is not by my side.

I’ve no one to talk to. And, I can’t update my blog or surf the net as I’ve cancelled the Maxis Broadband subscription due to the slow coverage.

Quickly, I put on the pilis on my forehead and the param on my limbs. And, I felt so good.

My hubby called just now from SMC. My baby is getting better!!

Her milk intake has increased to 20 ml per feed. She’ll be feed through bottle soon.

That’s great because she has not been sucking for 7 days. And, her lips has become dried and chapped. Hopefully, her cute lips will be moisturised again.

I hope she will not forget how to suck.

If everything is fine, Dr Ling said she can be discharged this Friday.

Alhamdulillah!!

Dear Abang Sayang,

Happy Birthday honey!

Emm.. I guess there will be no fancy cheese cake for you this year as I’m still in my sterilized hotel room I’m not allowed to go anywhere during the confinement period. And, as for your birthday gift….. I have something so very precious for you in my tummy!

Seems that our lil’ bundle of joy has decided that 34 weeks were enough to be in my tummy. She didn’t want to wait any longer and was born through emergency c-section on Monday, 31st March 2008 at 9.21 am!

I’m so very happy to announce the arrival of our little princess, Izzah Nabihah!

Alhamdulillah, she is a very strong, active and healthy premature baby.

You see, I was scheduled to be warded for the rest of the pregnancy on 31st March 2008. But, Izzah decided not to let mama alone in the hospital ward.

My water broke on Sunday, 30th March with some trace of meconium (greenish water). So, we rushed to Hospital Sungai Buloh and I was immediately warded in the emergency area.

I’ll talk more about my birth story soon!!!!

p/s: Baby Izzah’s picture to be uploaded soon too.